I know I’ve always been evil in a certain way to people. But I never, NEVER, wanted to be bad to someone. Not even her, in a billion years. Specially to her. I never wanted to make her lonely or make gossip or whatever. I DO NOT LIKE gossip. All I ever wanted was to get things right. Bring her very best friend close to her again. But there’s something I never realized: I am always a stranger. I am no one. Seems I am always putting myself into her stuff without been invited. Even loving her the most! I am no one to her. She says I am the one who make gossip from her, like an enemy. I never wanted to do harm to her. I love her better than anyone.
But I’m also tired of everything. Even sleeping hours a day I feel extremely tired. I am giving up on everything once again. I am no good. Never was. To no one. I deserve to die alone like I always knew. Don’t you dare feel bad if I never come back again. If I do harm to myself or if I do kill myself. I am giving you space and time. Do not dare to think I do not love you anymore, ‘cuz I know you are the one who doens’t.
There’ll be no more things to chase. My will for keep going is dead. I said I would never do it again, but I did and now I am alone again. No one truly likes me, I know. There’s no one who stand me, I even can’t stand myself. Tomorrow I’ll be playing with the band I am in for the first time and maybe the last one. Today,driving home I did pass by a bridge over a river and thought of jumping from it. I even thought of killing myself as Virginia Woolf did. I know I am the worst personal some one could ever met, but… I am really sorry for everything. Sorry for the mess I am.